fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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June 13

 I remember standing there hurting. I had just called another agent by the wrong name and she had ignored my question after. 

The day had gone well and I hadn't "messed up" until then. When I did though I felt immense pain, as if I was bad for making a mistake. 

Feels pretty shitty that something like that can ruin a great day but I noticed it. 


I also noticed that I have a hard time leaving a group of people. I want some sort of conclusion, like for example with the girl I like at work. 


I'm wearing my beige shirt and am writing this in the dorms courtyard.


I was wearing my yeezy's, grey shorts, and ll bean polo today when I had my pain moment.

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