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Showing posts from November, 2025

Hitching onto realities

 I met a man who lived in Costa Rica for 4 years. I had just been there and loved it so much so we got to talking. We both shared parts of our lives but I soon noticed, like I do with many people I admire–I begin to think of him as god and his words as gospel. I detach from my own sense of reality and goals and listen intensely to theirs.  There's a shame in pursuing what you believe and trusting your gut. Often you don't want to tell people. What else can you do but reflect and continue your pursuit? Nothing.

shame

 The last two days, post big celebrations that involved drinking, weed, and tobacco, have left me in a puddle of shame. I moved to New York and although I'm happy being here, I am not earning enough to support myself and need help from my mother. That alone makes me feel worthless and like an idiot for moving here. Those thoughts have compounded along with negative thoughts about my career choice. I'm an real estate agent in the city and all I can think about is how worthless the job is and how messed up society is. I'm just helping the real estate owners get richer and richer, widening the gap of equality.  The problem is I don't have any other skills that I can survive off.  Those are about 60% of the negative thoughts I've been having. The other portion is my lack of social IQ. I met up with a bunch of old friends for one of their birthdays and after smoking some weed I noticed how unbelievably out I touch I was with their going-ons. I barely knew anything about ...