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Showing posts from August, 2023

experiment with anger.

 This post is in two parts. The first will discuss my interpretation of the justified anger debate and the other will be a free flow of ideas regarding the emotion of anger. To start lets examine how anger shows up. For me it's energy in the middle region and spread throughout the body. It's thoughts of events that replay over and over again. It's the debate you have in your head of wrongness and rightness. You will meticulously retrieve every piece of information you can remember to change the story and "win" the argument with yourself. It's restlessness, inability to sleep that can spiral into motivational energy. The type of energy you want at the beginning of a soccer match. The type that gets you so hyped you don't give a shit what anyone else does or says you are going to be flowing. The ladder is the anger I want to channel instead of this somewhat uncontrolled and inconsistent rage I feel towards recent events.  I got a little off topic so lets go ...

August 1

It's been a while since I've written anything down, but I hope to pick it back up.  For the past 17 days, I've been meditating for one hour every day. Sometimes I'll do another hour or 20 minutes at night. I've only missed one day since starting. What it's opened my eyes to are some inner conflicts I have yet to resolve. For example:  The idea of what it means to be a man Does one try and fit into society or work outside of it? And is believing in god the right thing to do or delusional? All of these come back to a huge issue I have: a lack of trust in people. If you asked me to name someone I trusted completely I wouldn't know who to name. There are people in my life who I respect and have had good moments of connection with but when those moments don't occur frequently I begin to judge and see them as a walking flaw.  Writing this reminds me of another conflict which is, do you build an identity and label things as right and wrong based on my own exper...