August 1
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It's been a while since I've written anything down, but I hope to pick it back up. For the past 17 days, I've been meditating for one hour every day. Sometimes I'll do another hour or 20 minutes at night. I've only missed one day since starting.
What it's opened my eyes to are some inner conflicts I have yet to resolve. For example:
The idea of what it means to be a man
Does one try and fit into society or work outside of it?
And is believing in god the right thing to do or delusional?
All of these come back to a huge issue I have: a lack of trust in people. If you asked me to name someone I trusted completely I wouldn't know who to name. There are people in my life who I respect and have had good moments of connection with but when those moments don't occur frequently I begin to judge and see them as a walking flaw.
Writing this reminds me of another conflict which is, do you build an identity and label things as right and wrong based on my own experience or do you stay an empty vessel because you know the idea of right and wrong doesn't really exist.
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