Posts

Showing posts from July, 2025

The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Staying in flow

 I like aspects of my job but when I reflect on the day after coming home I realize how conflicted I feel. There are coworkers I like and coworkers I dislike. Airing out my grievances isn’t something I necessarily enjoy doing at work so usually keep the peace. The problem is that I feel like I’m being fake and not living in good energy fields during that time. If I work 50% of a shift with a coworker I dislike I have that thought in the back of my mind constantly.  The grievances I have with one particular co-worker is cause he’s a creep. He's in his 30s and is obviously trying to sleep with young college girls and that just rubs me the wrong way. The thing is that I’m exactly like him. I want to sleep with them too but just rationalize my wanting to as okay cause I’m younger. I wonder if I’ll think differently as I get older. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Resistence to forgiveness

 I've been posting less cause I've been feeling really good. My life hasn't really changed but my perspective on it has. The last few days however have been tougher. I've been on somewhat of a comedown marked by a lack of work and resting after a soccer match. Spending a lot of time alone reflecting on the last two weeks and my progress. Notably trying to figure out how I can get back to the state I was in just a few days ago. I realized that I had slipped back into old habits of blaming others. For example a thought that often crosses my mind is that I need new friends. My friends of almost 10 years have flaws for sure and in my head they are the ones stopping me from succeeding. Succeeding with women mainly but socially in general. This victim mentality doesn't help me but it's been a constant in my life, blaming my parents as well. This resulted in me holding back a lot of love for them and in retrospect myself. These are my boys and I love them like family. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

letting go and some concerns I have

 Recently I've been practicing letting go which is basically the practice of sitting with emotions and letting them pass. Typically when this starts it's difficult because you have a lot of suppressed emotions over the years which sit inside of you. So the last few weeks when I wake up and before bed I sit and feel my body and any uncomfortable sensations that arise. During the day when I notice I'm having a lot of negative thoughts, instead of reading into them too much I feel my body and which emotion is making those thoughts arise.  It's a very interesting practice that I feel has propelled my life in the right direction like no other practice has. I feel like I have more energy around people and with life things. I'm optimistic about my experiences and relationships.  Certain doubts come up like, is the version of me who has let go and being more free truly myself or am I just acting positive. Cause I truly want to be friends with everyone and it feels like I sh...
Post a Comment
Read more