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Showing posts from April, 2023

The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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Nothing wrong with me.

 Something pretty amazing happened to me last night. I was smoking and having the usual semi-anxious thoughts that come up when alone. I actually prefer smoking alone for this reason, I feel like I get to understand myself better.  Earlier that day I had been reading Carl Jung's "The Red Book" which I found in the school library. I found that I understood the sections I read fairly well. What stood out to me is when he began talking to his soul. I can't remember exactly what he said but the idea that there are two entities inside of us and one really got me thinking. When I was high I started asking myself why it was that I hated this other entity of mine.  It came down to comparing myself with other people and not really seeing myself in anyone. I thought that I might be an introvert and looked up a video describing the differences between them and extroverts. Mind you, in the past, I had seen a lot of these videos but always rejected the notion that I was in fact an...
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I just wanna do.

Most my life I've contemplated my actions. Actions, conversations, and pursuits were done in a calculated manor. I needed the security of knowing that whatever happened, I would be okay. In all honesty I'm surprised at how well this worked out up on to this point. Now, I've reached a breaking point, I was naive to think that I would ever find true fulfillment from life playing it safe. Right now I just want to do. What I mean by that is I want to Do and not think, Do and not control, Do and not worry. My actions will be my actions and I will have to own their consequences. What I've noticed is that in times when I felt like something was off, it was because I didn't do, instead, I listened to my thoughts and lost out on living. 
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