Nothing wrong with me.

 Something pretty amazing happened to me last night. I was smoking and having the usual semi-anxious thoughts that come up when alone. I actually prefer smoking alone for this reason, I feel like I get to understand myself better. 

Earlier that day I had been reading Carl Jung's "The Red Book" which I found in the school library. I found that I understood the sections I read fairly well. What stood out to me is when he began talking to his soul. I can't remember exactly what he said but the idea that there are two entities inside of us and one really got me thinking. When I was high I started asking myself why it was that I hated this other entity of mine. 

It came down to comparing myself with other people and not really seeing myself in anyone. I thought that I might be an introvert and looked up a video describing the differences between them and extroverts. Mind you, in the past, I had seen a lot of these videos but always rejected the notion that I was in fact an introvert. I kind of saw it as a fake science that lets socially anxious people off the hook. 

This time, maybe cause of the weed, maybe because of something else, I actually listened to the videos that described the differences. I could relate almost entirely to the description they gave of being an introvert. 

When I internalized this, the feeling of doubt and self-hatred pretty much vanished. I had mended the relationship between these two entities and they had become one.