fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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Staying in flow

 I like aspects of my job but when I reflect on the day after coming home I realize how conflicted I feel. There are coworkers I like and coworkers I dislike. Airing out my grievances isn’t something I necessarily enjoy doing at work so usually keep the peace. The problem is that I feel like I’m being fake and not living in good energy fields during that time. If I work 50% of a shift with a coworker I dislike I have that thought in the back of my mind constantly. 


The grievances I have with one particular co-worker is cause he’s a creep. He's in his 30s and is obviously trying to sleep with young college girls and that just rubs me the wrong way. The thing is that I’m exactly like him. I want to sleep with them too but just rationalize my wanting to as okay cause I’m younger. I wonder if I’ll think differently as I get older. 

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