The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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Aug 29

A debate I've been having in my head recently stems from a recent encounter I had with a women. We had gone on a date, which I thought went well. She texts me a few days later saying she rather just be friends and invites me to a kickback she is having. Reluctantly I go and end up having a pretty good time. I talk a little with her and at one point we leave to go get cigarettes together. It feels like we are kind of flirting but I don't know. A few minutes later I ask her where the bathroom is and she says she'll show me. We go into the house together and she shows me both bathrooms asking me which she thinks is hers. I guess correctly and she lets me do my business. I can't remember exactly what I was feeling in this moment, I'm sure part of me was wondering if I should kiss her or make a move. 

The last few days I've been wondering if that's the right thing to do. Making a move could have breached some boundaries and potentially hurt her. It could have also worked out. I wrote this whole story to illustrate the two different mindsets I believe I should live my life by. One is more passive and waits for things to come to me. There's typically less risk involved in this and more so a trust in the universe that things will work out for me. The other mindset is more focused on going out and getting what I want. This means breaching that barrier and talking to a girl I think is attractive or making a move like I should have above. This involves taking on a lot more risk which my brain struggles with. On top of that, if I can't convince myself to do it I turn on myself and think I'm worthless. I'm not capable of living up to the standards I set for myself. I also become more cynical towards the world and lose hope in the future since in this mindset it's not guaranteed. 


Writing this I notice that I like ideas from both these mindsets but struggle to balance them. 



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