sleep

 It's been a few weeks now where my sleep has been really bad. I get the feeling that it started when I started drinking and smoking more and exercising less. That sounds obvious reading it but doing those things have made me enjoy life more and helped me accomplish some personal goals. Yet, my thoughts run rampant at night.

I finally asked for a promotion which I'd been thinking about for a while which feels great and might help with that thought at least. Still I lay awake tonight restless. Last time I worked on my sleep schedule I focused on consistency. Consistently going to bed around the same time, reading a book, and having no screens an hour prior to bed. This helped and I slept much better.

This brings me to another tangent of mine and my general distain for consistency. I understand it all in practice, go to the gym, eat healthy, go to bed at the same time, read. All these things do make me feel good but it comes with the caveat that I think I have to do these things to be happy. Why can't I go out a few times a week, smoke a little, drink a little, watch some tv and go to bed happy? Why do I have to program my life to have any form of actual pleasure. It doesn't seem fair. I see people all the time live much more active social lives than me who tell me they don't struggle with sleep or thoughts at all. 

I know I shouldn't compare myself and that most people go through things but it's frustrating. This has always been an issue and unless I go into robot mode I can't solve it.