The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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women and free will

As I reflect on a stressful, mentally taxing day, two things come to mind. The first, as usual, is women; the second is the direction of my life.

Much of today was spent anxiously thinking about relationships—past, present, and future. I found myself stuck on thoughts like “I was never happy” or “I’ll never be happy,” as bad memories resurfaced one after another. My inner dialogue framed my relationships as “bad” compared to the “good” ones I imagine other people have. Being single now, I feel like I need to change my approach to dating if I ever want something “better.” I tell myself I need to be the pursuer—more social, more mentally strong. At the same time, another part of me believes I’ll eventually find someone simply by being myself. That tension seems to mirror a broader theme in my life: who I think I should be versus who I actually am.

This brings me to the second thread of thought: fate and free will. Do we really choose our paths, or are we simply carried along by them? Personally, I feel like I haven’t been the one in control—and oddly, the more I lean into that belief, the lighter life feels. I can experience it as an observer rather than collapse under the pressure of believing I’m responsible for every outcome. Still, I’m not fully in tune with this mindset yet. Today especially was tough, weighed down by anxious thoughts and low energy. In those moments, it’s almost impossible to detach and just observe. All I wanted was for the feelings to end and for things to feel “normal” again. Only now, reflecting back, can I simply label it for what it was: a stressful day. In the moment, it felt like the world was crumbling.

As I practice letting go, I realize it’s not about flipping difficult emotions into positive ones. It’s about recognizing them for what they are and allowing them to exist without resistance. That’s still very hard for me—especially when the heaviness lingers all day. But tonight, I feel a little lighter, a little more at peace.

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