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jews, interest rates, poor people, and bigots

 I can't shake this feeling anytime I check my social medias that there is a great deal of hatred in the world. I'd argue, online at least there is more hatred than love. When I see this hatred I want so badly to understand it. I want to do something about it, fix it, fix the problems that are being brought forward by it.  There's a lot of tension with Jewish people, there's this idea that "they" are the problem. When I think of what that means I picture the landlords mostly, jacking up rents for terrible units. Did I mention I'm from New York? So are all landlords bad people? Is the inherent ownership of land bad?  Similarly we have banks, banks give out loans with an interest rate. If you pay off a typical 30-year fixed income mortgage in full you would pay about double your initial investment if not more. Is this fair? Someone commented on a video about rates saying "Interest is a crime against humanity" and part of wants to believe him.  Is t...
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maybe matured

It's simple really.., you just accept the reality of the situation and move on. The second you try and control it you lose out and miss it.  When sadness strikes the natural instinct is to go against this belief. Thoughts like "I need to change careers" or "no one will ever love me" unleash and spread like the plague inside my brain.  The dilemma is that you can't know what's right. Does my current path lead to destruction? Maybe... Would a different path change anything? Maybe...  For today I'm going to accept the sadness, stop trying to fight it, and go to bed.
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expectations

 I can't help but think of "500 Days of Summer" when talking about expectations. For those who don't know the movie follows a man in search of love. He often finds himself in situations that are totally normal and OKAY but since he has a massive expectation set on it, he sets himself up for failure. The reality is that you can't always get what you want but you get what you need. Love that lyric.  In my case, I've been better about noticing the expectations I have. For example the need to get laid if I go out. Typically this resulted in me acting like a jackass to women and to my friends. Coincidentally it also didn't get laid. Even if the night was by all means a win, if it didn't live up to that standard I would be sad. So for 2026 I'm going to be open to the limitless possibilities the world throws my way. Accept the challenges, perils, and opportunities. Stop putting expectations on how things should be or how you think people reacted. Be prese...
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faith, family, and the lottery

 Life's been on the come up lately. I've adopted a faith based mindset that has temporarily at least changed my life. I have faith that the decisions I make, both professional and personal are inherently right. The outcome is either a win or a lesson, although I haven't faced many lessons as of recent.  Being back home for the holidays put me in a very strange space. I'm returning willingly to an environment I tried so hard to escape. I was thrust first into the hands of my grandparents, aunt, and uncle who each decided where my cortisol levels should be. Feeling like I picked up on each and every insult and bitter remark my daily experience wasn't that positive. What was however, was the bond that created with my cousins and sister. We all agreed that our family was dysfunctional and had a good laugh about it–all while I worried if we'd end up in the exact same situation as we age.  When we got back home with just my immediate family I got sick. Drowsiness, stu...
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