fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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maybe matured

It's simple really.., you just accept the reality of the situation and move on. The second you try and control it you lose out and miss it. 


When sadness strikes the natural instinct is to go against this belief. Thoughts like "I need to change careers" or "no one will ever love me" unleash and spread like the plague inside my brain. 


The dilemma is that you can't know what's right. Does my current path lead to destruction? Maybe... Would a different path change anything? Maybe... 


For today I'm going to accept the sadness, stop trying to fight it, and go to bed.

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