fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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August 20th

I decided it's time to start dating again. My mind has been stuck on one girl I went on one date with a month ago. It's time for me to stop with the fairytales and put myself back out there. This means showing interest but also knowing and exploring my options without shame or guilt. Much of that will come in time and with some mental effort. 


For now I need to focus on not creating love stories in my brain the minute I meet a girl. 



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