fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
Post a Comment

June 11

 Pretty good day, not much happened but I didn't take any drugs at all. I even stopped myself from smoking "just one" cigarette. 

I felt pretty empowered at that moment. Usually, I give in to that sensation but instead, I said no, and it hurt but I forgot about it after a while. 


I got to read more of "Man's Search for Meaning" which is great and is one of the first books I've actually read in a long time. I got a haircut, and I went on a walk. 

Music and food seemed to be my alternate drugs of choice today. I also had a few awkward interactions with some of the guys I had met. It got me thinking about making my feelings clear to people. Do you really tell someone you don't want to be friends? or at least hangout. It's so hard.





Comments

Post a Comment