fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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Oct 12

There are two realities I live in. The first is the one that feels anger, and fear. The fear of the unknown and the anger of feeling like a victim. If I get high, I feel much heavier, I wonder more about others, and feel much more towards them. I can feel the weight of my responsibility to be an adult and take care of myself without feeling the anxiety that usually encompasses that.

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