The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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Nov 11

 I feel sad and shame. I want to have a group of friends I like but I don't right now and it sucks. When I get back to work and school I'll feel distracted with that and these feelings stay repressed till I get to the weekend again. It feels like I attract the wrong people into my life and I wish I knew how to change that.

Earlier this morning I had the realization that I am not my thoughts and I could realize the negative voice that was in my head. That voice has two core beliefs: 

- people shouldn't have flaws

- people shouldn't make mistakes

I notice this pattern most after a night out. I'll wake up and immediately regret what I did and paint this terrible picture of myself. I'll analyze every little thing and end up feeling shameful. When I can actively recognize that I'm doing this I can resort back to a natural state of being rather than becoming overwhelmed with emotion. 

Another aspect of this is that certain emotions can trigger it, so it goes two ways. When I'm feeling lonely, I start thinking about why I don't have friends or anyone to hang out with, which then gets me thinking about my flaws and mistakes. 


Also if I'm running low on money I'll begin to think about how useless I am and how doomed the future seems. 


It's a good realization but even still I manage to get hooked by those thoughts so the goal is to minimize them either by sharing or being extremely mindful of them. I'll try and do both.

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