fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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Jan 5

I started to feel very insecure and emotional at work today. The day was very slow and my manager assigned me some busy work like folding napkins and taking down Christmas decorations. This already made me feel a little mad because I felt like I was being treated unfairly. This usually happens when someone asks me to do something for them. Following that, the few tables that I did have weren’t the usual layout I’ve worked on in the past. This made me uncomfortable and took me out of my element. A few tables seemed annoyed at me for weird timing and not knowing the drink menu well. That further made me self conscious and upset.

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