The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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myself

 I've always been enamored with the idea of "being myself" in all situations. When I was younger I really didn't know what this meant. I didn't realize it but I was constantly changing who I was to please others. There were times where I was myself but I was scared to maintain that long-term since I always felt I had to change for the people I was around. 

Now that I'm starting to understand the nuances of being myself more. I realize that I am someone with much more needs that I had previously let on. These needs typically arise in situations I care about. For example I'm in the process of potentially getting a job outside of where I live. I was offered the position and I'm excited about it but have had a hard time asking the real questions to the person that hired me because I'm scared that the offer will get rescinded. 

This is similar in romantic relations, I often stop myself from asking the real questions I care about and instead keep it surface level. That way, I don't have to feel rejection and still grip to that validation I crave. 

So in theory I understand that if I want to truly be myself I need to ask what I'm truly curious or worried about. The next level to this is with other thoughts I have that might actually be inappropriate. Like flirting with a co-worker or hiding my true intentions with a co-worker. I get upset with myself when I have a good conversation with someone I'm attracted to cause it feels like I'm being manipulative. I want to spill my guts out to them that I like them but instead I just talk to them like a friend. 



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