The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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 My grandparents called me today which scares me every time cause I think they are going to tell me one of them died. I'm not sure how I would react to that news since I've had no deaths in the family since I was a little kid. My grandpa left me a voice message saying he needed to talk to me and I called him later in the day. He was worried about a job I have lined up in the fall. He shares many of the same worries I do and I'm conflicted on how to take his actions. On the one hand I too share some worries about the uncertainty of the job and he pointed out some things that would be smart to do. On the other hand he hasn't really been a part of my life and has caused me a lot of stress today. Along with the advice it felt like there was a lack of belief in what I could do. He asked me what I wanted to be and I told him that I don't know and I wish I did. He replied that he wish I did too. 

When someone expresses their opinion of my actions I tend to strongly agree with them, so after our conversation I felt like this opportunity I was excited about was actually a bad idea. Hence ruining, my future plans that I had somewhat banked a lot on. 

It has felt that a lot of my "happiness" has come this idea that I have a job lined up. When that mental idea is somewhat challenged I freaked out. In reality I was quite calm but I felt out of control and at one point thought I might have a panic attack.

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