The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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Detach from outcome

 Spent a lot of the day in bed. Tired and reflecting upon the last week I find I've changed my perspective a lot. I've adopted this new belief that emphasizes the choice of oneself over others opinions. It's difficult to explain fully as I myself haven't quite figured it out yet but essentially I'm letting go.

Letting go of others opinions of me and doing what I want to do. As I read this I'm understanding why most adults advice is to "be yourself" cause in essence that's what this is but it's always been difficult to understand in practice. It still is and I still find myself hiding because I'm afraid to be judged. This typically takes the form of chasing women's approval, which I have done a lot of in my life.

An example for how this is still relevant is that since I've been doing more things I want to do, I tend to talk to more women and be more outgoing. The beginning is great and I feel good but then when I get home and a few days pass and I continue the relationship with them things start to get messy. I get in my head about things I want to say or things I did say. If they don't text back within an hour I get antsy and worried that what I said might have offended them. 

What's frustrating is when I'm present these things don't bother me and I'm able to be myself fully but as soon as I start to seek approval I tense up and everything I do feels off to me and probably to them. 


An exercise I'm going to try after writing this is to go a week, doing my absolute best to say and do what I want. Obviously, respecting others boundaries and what not but not caring what the response will be. I need to detach from outcome.

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