Good day

I had a good day today. My morning didn't go as planned but got some good news regarding a client of mine. Really the last few weeks of work have been getting better. My confidence has grown and I'm talking with clients like a true guide which I love.  Still my mind races at night. Thoughts that everything I do will cause damage like people not being able to afford their homes or generally advising badly. Taking it one step further, I'll have thoughts that everything about it, the industry, capitalism, New York, is bad and that I'm just a part of the problem. These thoughts creep up most noticeably at night when my might starts to race. Sleep has always been a problem for me. I stay up late and when I try to go to bed early my mind is restless. Other thoughts are on sex, lately I've been trying to avoid the subject. It's an issue for me as I get into situationships revolving around it. I let the thought of it tarnish sensibility and it often stops me from gettin...
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moderation

 As I reflect on the last few weeks I notice that I've been less consistent with things. Be that the gym, my physical therapy exercises, or a diet. I've spent more days resting and sleeping in. For the most part give or take a few days I've felt good. Those days did feel extra bad since the guilt and shame I was feeling multiplied by the added thought of not being productive. 

Continuing to reflect on the week I wonder if this is how I want to move forward with my life or if I should go back to more discipline. Less gym gives me time and energy to do things and the added rest adds to that. Certain substances give me some clarity and help shift my perspective to something more positive. So I think overall this is a good thing thats happening. I don't want to go overboard and stop doing things that are healthy but I also want to add rest and treats into my days and weeks.

The last thought is that I need to get over the shame and guilt I feel if I do indulge. Knowing myself I'm not an addict nor have treated my body in an unhealthy manner long-term yet any little "sin" I commit I feel guilt for. So I need to let myself enjoy things every once and a while and notice when that little voice shames me and tell it it's gonna be okay.

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