The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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numb

 I've been struggling with this feeling of numbness recently. As I've stated previously, things in my life really seem to be on the come up with work and overcoming fears. Still I feel an emptiness when I'm winding down for the evening. It's a restlessness that I am starting to really hate. I feel I should be doing something productive in this time like playing guitar or practicing some dance moves, or reading. But I numb myself with porn and other distractions on the internet. 

I'm definitely craving some love from a women, I think that would help and I think back on my ex and wonder about what could have been. Then I have to snap myself back and remember that I ended things while we were together. So what I'm craving now isn't really her it's the feeling associated with someone liking you. It's chasing the feeling, and when you chase something it typically runs away from you. 



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