The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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women

If I had to trace back 95% of my issues with life it comes back to women. I'm not blaming any individual women nor how they act but instead telling you how I've dealt with women in my life. The story goes that I wasn't very good with women in high school, I lost my virginity to a family friends daughter who I barely knew then covid happened my senior year and lingered till my sophomore year of college. In college I had success but I was never satisfied, I wanted a hotter, smarter girlfriend. The complete package. I believe it's one of the reasons I decided to work as a bartender. So I could be around pretty women all day. It's truly the only thing I think about. I've gotten good at talking to them and recently have tried to just be friends with most of them. This approach has really driven me crazy. I try but it goes against every bone in my body to not want to have sex or a relationship with them. Then I start to think about if what i'm doing is even natural and my head starts spiraling. 

I want to focus on myself and my goals but am so enamored by women that I can't think. I feel like an asshole who can't be friends with women, and I feel like a loser cause I don't sleep with the ones I want to sleep with. The only little thing I get is some of their attention for a few hours a day at work and that's it. 

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