The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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fun

Writing late at night I often am of freer mind. I'm like the dude who gets super motivated to get jacked and rich at 3am but by the time the next day rolls around he's back to his old habits. At 3am he's flying though. Anyway there's something interesting about this time cause it unlocks a part of your brain or slows negative thoughts and allows for insightful thoughts. Right now I think about fun and why exactly I don't feel I'm having enough of it. I think the main factors are how I think I'm perceived by others, financial constraints, and that's it actually. Both those have some roots in reality but are largely rooted in anxiety. When I'm out for example, I really care what the people I'm with think of me and what the people around think of myself and my group. I don't want to be loud and cause a scene or do something to upset anyone and draw any attention. I also struggle making plans to spend my money. I want to save it for when I need it which is fair but also resulted in a life that's pretty mundane. 

So a goal of mine will be to try and have more fun. Worrying less what people think of me and using money as a tool for fun and happiness.

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