The Right Way To Look at The World

I've been watching the first season of The White Lotus and for those unfamiliar with the show, it follows a few rich families as they spend their time at a resort in Hawaii. Each family is massively flawed though one particularly caught my attention due to their conversations. The mother is a CEO of a multinational cooperation, the father is unknown but makes less than her, son is addicted to pornography and screens, and daughter is a drug addict with insane jealousy issues. They all have different ideas of what is right and voice them often. The daughter has a black friend who she brought, who both share the idea that "it's time for the white man to step aside" which is contrary to the mother who feels for her son, saying that it's not his fault and not he's being unfairly ostracized from society. The resort they are staying at used to be native and sacred land but the government and developers didn't care. Some of those natives now work at the hotel. Tha...
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Is there only one path?

 I've reached a new chapter in my life and the future is really in the hands of the universe at this point. Whether or not I move depends on external factors as well as my own willingness to do so. More often than not I've started to believe that external factors are just a projection of what you really want. For example as I start to enjoy my time in my hometown and the relationships and the more I doubt the move the more issues arise with said move. 

So there's currently a lot of doubt about what I want to do which unfortunately has overshadowed some really amazing growth I've shown over the last few weeks. In my head it's like a huge checklist of fears/wants/whathaveyou, that has built over the years and as I learn to let go that list slowly gets checked away. As of starting the letting go process a lot of fears have been checked off that list and as of the last week more have been as well. Just because I've made the progress however doesn't mean I feel fulfilled. There's always a want for more, a desire to have things that I don't. Instead of being present and happy with what I've achieved I'm restless to not think about this checklist at all. I want complete nirvana. 

Maybe I'm crazy to think that way but I don't see the harm in trying. That being said, as I read literature about becoming happier I tend to set that as an expectation of my reality. This often makes sadness seem trite. I want to be happy overall therefore this moment of sadness is strange and WRONG. That's the real kicker I think. Instead of being with the emotion of sadness or angst I try and fix it. Is that wrong? or is that just how I am? 

The same goes for other emotions, anger, fear, even happiness. I'm conflicted by all of them. Do I act on anger? do I act on happiness? What's the difference? 


How I currently view it:

I'm going about daily life. Something small happens and it flares up my emotions. Let's say I get angry in this example. What I'd want to do is instead of expressing that anger, to forgive the person. 

Counter:

What if that anger is somehow justified? Did that person do something that deserves an angry response and if so is there a line you can draw? or is it all just instinct? Are we all just on a timeline or do we branch to something new every time we make a decision like this? I tend to think the ladder and hence choose the safest option always.

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