experiment with anger.

 This post is in two parts. The first will discuss my interpretation of the justified anger debate and the other will be a free flow of ideas regarding the emotion of anger. To start lets examine how anger shows up. For me it's energy in the middle region and spread throughout the body. It's thoughts of events that replay over and over again. It's the debate you have in your head of wrongness and rightness. You will meticulously retrieve every piece of information you can remember to change the story and "win" the argument with yourself. It's restlessness, inability to sleep that can spiral into motivational energy. The type of energy you want at the beginning of a soccer match. The type that gets you so hyped you don't give a shit what anyone else does or says you are going to be flowing. The ladder is the anger I want to channel instead of this somewhat uncontrolled and inconsistent rage I feel towards recent events.  I got a little off topic so lets go ...
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I don't like timelines

 I tend to think of life as a series of moments, people and activities that happened and were around within the last few weeks, months, and years. I'd say generally that's how most would describe what their "life" is. What upsets me about my life are the swings from one polarity to the other. I'll have amazing weeks and think to myself how amazing my life is. Then I'll have a terrible week right after and think about how miserable my life is. The thought I had just now is what if creating an imaginary timeline where I classified last week as "amazing" just creates more pain? In reality the events of last week have nothing to do with the events of the next. Thinking about it like that kind of sets you up for failure. If you are happy then great that's as expected but if you are sad you're whole world crumbles. You start asking yourself what you did to deserve feeling sad instead of taking the time to feel sad. So my feelings on a certain day got hurt or changed and I think to myself, they were good yesterday why are they bad right now? What did I do? Was what I did a bad thing? Am I a bad person? And that's the typical spiral. 

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