Good day

I had a good day today. My morning didn't go as planned but got some good news regarding a client of mine. Really the last few weeks of work have been getting better. My confidence has grown and I'm talking with clients like a true guide which I love.  Still my mind races at night. Thoughts that everything I do will cause damage like people not being able to afford their homes or generally advising badly. Taking it one step further, I'll have thoughts that everything about it, the industry, capitalism, New York, is bad and that I'm just a part of the problem. These thoughts creep up most noticeably at night when my might starts to race. Sleep has always been a problem for me. I stay up late and when I try to go to bed early my mind is restless. Other thoughts are on sex, lately I've been trying to avoid the subject. It's an issue for me as I get into situationships revolving around it. I let the thought of it tarnish sensibility and it often stops me from gettin...
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love and happiness

 I'm lying in bed alone wishing that I was with someone. Wishing that the girl I've been seeing wanted to come hang out. I'm not sure what I would feel while she's here but I know that the thought of having her here makes me happy. I worry about making mistakes and one I often think about is dating with the wrong intentions. I worry that I don't actually like her I'm just lonely. It feels like I repeat similar patterns with this girl in particular. Feeling lonely, reaching out, hanging out, and then feeling like I could do better or that I want different. This pattern scares me for my own sake and for her emotional well being as well. I want to be happy and fulfilled and think that having a girlfriend is part of that for me. The problem is that I can't commit to one. When I'm with someone there's always better, when I'm alone I crave their affection. 


Maybe I think about it too hard. Maybe I'm suppose to be learning something from these failures and history doesn't repeat itself.  

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