movin

 I'm moving and don't know how to feel about it. I'll be leaving my friends of 8+ years. A third of my life and considering my age more than half of my life based on things I actually remember. I'll be working a job that has potential to be very lucrative and also very disappointing. I really decided to go with the flow of what I had already done/been good at. This option excites me but I also know it's not something I'm passionate about. I don't know if I believe in following your passion for work. Then again I don't currently have a passion that I'm aware of so that makes it difficult. 

On the ladder point of passion I think a big part of my hesitation for wanting to hop into a career is my lack of personal understanding as to what it is I want to be doing. This current job kind of fell into my lap and because of that exact reason I found it more appropriate to pursue that rather than pivot into another field I'd have to scavenge a job for. It felt less natural. My thought was always, "if I was passionate about any of this stuff I would have a much easier time looking for a job" and that was never the case. I always reluctantly tried to apply to jobs and it drained me instantly. 

I have doubts about the move but ultimately it wasn't that rash of a decision. I stayed in town a year after graduating to figure out if I was rushing to conclusions in my relationships. I found out that I was in some aspects while also understanding that they probably aren't going to get better to the point of making me happy. Ultimately that can only come from my own decision making and choices. And this is one of those choices that brings me energy and makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life.