fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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porn and love

 I've found myself watching more porn recently than I want to. Every time I finish I have a little shame attack. I feel like by watching it I'm actively ruining my life. 

My mindset recently has been to try and avoid obsessing over things which will hopefully lead me to detach and actually bring them into my life. When I watch porn I feel like I'm doing the opposite. I'm glorifying sex and women for myself which makes it difficult to talk to them in person. 

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