experiment with anger.

 This post is in two parts. The first will discuss my interpretation of the justified anger debate and the other will be a free flow of ideas regarding the emotion of anger. To start lets examine how anger shows up. For me it's energy in the middle region and spread throughout the body. It's thoughts of events that replay over and over again. It's the debate you have in your head of wrongness and rightness. You will meticulously retrieve every piece of information you can remember to change the story and "win" the argument with yourself. It's restlessness, inability to sleep that can spiral into motivational energy. The type of energy you want at the beginning of a soccer match. The type that gets you so hyped you don't give a shit what anyone else does or says you are going to be flowing. The ladder is the anger I want to channel instead of this somewhat uncontrolled and inconsistent rage I feel towards recent events.  I got a little off topic so lets go ...
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Who I want to be

 I think I'm going to choose kindness. My past approach was more aggressive, scared and shut off behavior. I was afraid to be kind, like it would somehow make me seem weak and push me from my goals. My response to that now is in two parts. First I think being too strung up on a goal will only push it away, and second having the mindset of needing it makes me feel anger and anxiety effectively pushing me from whats actually happening. 

I will do my best to act with kindness and integrity towards my values at every turn. If I feel like I'm doing something to get something in return I should stop. Act by emotion not by what you think others need.

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