Play to Your Strengths

Through my 24 years on this planet I've spent a lot of it thinking about how I'm perceived by others. There's always been a nagging urge to please and impress. I looked for the people who were the best at this. My takeaways were to be outgoing, loud, and unaffected. I embodied them but they didn't stick. For years I would try and be this person I wasn't–and for the most part was unsuccessful in reaching my goal of being liked.

I reached a breaking point recently where all that effort into being someone else stopped being worth it. The kicker was the continuous pursuit of actions that didn't have a planned outcome of being liked. Meaning that instead of choosing to do something to please, I chose to do something I thought was right. This is difficult, especially with people you like/rely on for income. You venture into unknown territory, you lose control (you never had any).

In my life I've been quiet, not always, but I've always disliked large group settings. They are quite over stimulating for me and often involve drinking which I haven't been fond of in years. Yet I consistently hated myself for not liking them or being the "fun" "outgoing" person I should have been at the party. I couldn't bare the fact that maybe I just preferred to be quiet.

Similarly, playing soccer has always frustrated me. I played at a quite high division 3 level and hold myself to that standard. When I played then, and when I play now I am extremely results driven. For example a game or two ago in my recreational league I didn't score. What I did do was setup my teammates with 5-6 really well placed passes to put them in scoring positions. Only one of them did but after the game I couldn't help feel like I had failed. Simply due to the fact that I didn't score. I don't see the strengths of my game clearly, instead focus on what I think others will see and judge me on most.

I think this is a big part of accepting who you are. Take away your perceived notions of what success looks like and see what you are actually accomplishing.