attachment and emotional states

 I've been through an emotional roller coaster as of late. There are moments of intensity though I'll say that I've been able to almost take a third person perspective on it as opposed to the past. I'm sitting with emotions, studying them more clearly now. Sometimes I don't understand them, and often I want to change them. Tonight I couldn't understand what I felt, I know I want this girl to love me, but I also know that I'm overly attaching myself to someone I've met once briefly. I do that every time. Any interaction with a women I find attractive becomes this do or die situation where I need to act. I need to ask her out, look impressive, look non-chalant. Then the moment passes, she gets off the subway and my heart sinks. For that moment though I'm happy. She chose me, she chose to stand next to me, when she turned around she wanted me to look at her butt.  These thoughts keep me trapped, and make any interaction with someone I'm attracted to...
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horny and confused

I don't get it. Am I suppose to jack off into perpetuity? This force of nature causes a deep mix of emotions for me. Friends turn into people I want to fuck, people I shouldn't fuck, turn into people I want to fuck. 

All I want is some consistency in thought but every moment changes my perception. When I nut my perception switches. I get into relationships to have consistent sex. Group interactions become emotional latches to women I'm attracted too. It becomes a competition with the guys and a game with the women. I can never tell if they like me.


I don't know if somethings wrong with me. I'm tired trying to fix myself. 



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