fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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calling

A book that's been circulated throughout males of my age group (22-25) and perhaps younger as well is Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. The main theme being that you should chase the next "thing" or "greenlight" in your life. If you've been wanting to move and suddenly find an opportunity then do it and don't look back. 

I think it's shaped how a lot of people see the world including myself. Lately, I've been in a sort of limbo, having moved but now stuck at a job I don't really feel for. Theres the opportunity to become an EMT and I've been procrastinating on it. Day and night I go back and forth on wether or not it's the right thing to do and I think I just need to do it. It's my current "greenlight" so why not take it and see what comes out of it?

From real estate I've been learning better interpersonal communication, from this I'll learn how to save lives and work under pressure. 

Worse case is I don't like it and I can find my next greenlight. 



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