fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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doubt

The thought that I am not in a position to date recently crossed my mind. The women I dm'd hasn't responded though I know now she had spent the day on a boat. 

The first thought I have is that I'm either competing with guys who have boats or her family is well off. Both put me into a position of insecurity since I neither have a boat nor am well off. I have confidence that I'll figure it out but in the meantime I feel like it hurts my dating odds. 

I'm still gonna text her asking her out, but just waiting on her to reply.

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