fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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Living the potential

 A habit I seem to have is that I get to a certain level of mastery in one area-be that a sport, a video game, or a job. Instead of trying to get better or living up to that level I instead plateau. For example I'm a very good soccer player but instead of playing with people of my level I play in lower leagues. In the video games I play, I shy away from ranked even after obtaining a fairly high rank. I feel like I didn't earn that rank and that people in that rank are better than me.

 

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