standing up for myself

I recently started taking risks that in the past I would not have. Risks like telling my boss I want to get paid more, voicing a frustration with a roommate, and other little things of the sort. I've lived much of my life sweeping those little things under the rug which built resentment and made it hard to form genuine connections. 

So as I said, the last few weeks have been a step in what I believe is the right direction. That being said I feel more isolated than ever with my roommates. Maybe it's past grievances on their end, the recent dish situation, or it's all in my head but it feels like theres tension. 

At this point I'm just gonna ride it out. It doesn't feel good and if they say something so be it but I don't feel I've done anything to deserve this. I'm honestly just mad at them for how they act. I'm too exhausted to make the effort to mend. They are too closed minded and will only agree with each other since they've known each other since college. 

To repeat, I believe there are three scenarios. The first is that they are mad at me, the second is that I am rightfully mad at them, the last is that it's all in my head. The ladder of which could coincide with my newfound confidence and taking actions I would have criticized myself for. So in taking those actions I am still criticizing myself and believing others hate me.