experiment with anger.

 This post is in two parts. The first will discuss my interpretation of the justified anger debate and the other will be a free flow of ideas regarding the emotion of anger.

To start lets examine how anger shows up. For me it's energy in the middle region and spread throughout the body. It's thoughts of events that replay over and over again. It's the debate you have in your head of wrongness and rightness. You will meticulously retrieve every piece of information you can remember to change the story and "win" the argument with yourself. It's restlessness, inability to sleep that can spiral into motivational energy. The type of energy you want at the beginning of a soccer match. The type that gets you so hyped you don't give a shit what anyone else does or says you are going to be flowing. The ladder is the anger I want to channel instead of this somewhat uncontrolled and inconsistent rage I feel towards recent events. 

I got a little off topic so lets go back to the debate between justified and unjustified anger. Justified would be if your partner cheats on you or if your idea gets stolen. There isn't too much nuance to the situation there and feeling angry feels justified within yourself. Still Buddhists and other religions might argue even that anger in unjust I think I need to disagree. The moments of anger in my life have usually been in response to an event that was unacceptable. For instance, guys yelling "faggot" out of their car window. My anger channeled me to call them "pussies" which shut them up real quick. When I was younger I took it. I let people call me names and used philosophies of peace to make up for my cowardice. 

Then there's unjustified anger whose obvious examples include getting mad at young children, people just doing their job, or other ethnic and gender groups. Most rational can agree that people here are in the wrong though some might argue that children deserve consequences every once and a while though I'm too young to enter that debate. Following these two options is the often much more common middle ground where each side feels vindicated. You'll see friendships end, marriages fall apart, and business's crumble due to this inability to reconcile. What should we do then? Do we practice forgiveness? Do we apologize? I don't know. I'm feeling very angry and it started with feeling shame. Shame for some choices I made that turned into understanding and self-forgiveness of those choices, that then turned into anger for others reaction to those choices. I want an apology, I want revenge.