fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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sacrifice

 A question I often think about is how much sacrifice is required in life? I equate success to the amount of time someone is willing to endure hardship and pain. For example, a doctor spent 8-10 years in post graduate education plus the hard work it took to get into medical school. The outcome is a well respected, paid member of society. Or think of the professional athlete, going on runs every day, eating healthy, avoiding junk food, drugs, alcohol–leaving friends and family behind to play for a team. 

Is that the truth? Is that the path to happiness? Can you become successful without sacrifice? Can you become happy without sacrifice?

These are the questions that linger on my mind as I decide wether I want to become a pro soccer player. The sacrifice is leaving New York–living here is my dream but I want to play soccer too. 

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