fault, anger

 I'm angry at people and myself for a situation that happened. I can acknlowedge my own wrong-doing in the matter and feel lots of guilt and shame about it. I also see flaws in how others acted. This brings a lot of anger to the surface and I feel like I'm not allowed to express it because I may have been "more" in the wrong. -- I've seemed to convince myself that I am this terrible person. Someone that's abusive and deserves to be alone. Any thoughts to the contrary get swallowed up, often by rage and vindictiveness towards others. I think in black and white. I'm either the complete issue or I'm the victim to these people. Otherwise I cannot find a reason to excuse my behavior and forgive myself. 
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Some thoughts on anger and reality.

 There are things I've been raised to believe that create the reality I live in. Vague ideas of class, poverty, and wealth stew in my mind–never truly being answered by anyone or anything. What do "you" believe becomes the question I ask myself and even then I fail to recognize how one can have beliefs about anything in a world where everyone lives a separate reality defined by their own belief systems. 

What is truth then? If someone is hurt by an act of another is that the fault of the other if they believed in their own way that they didn't do anything wrong? 


These are just ramblings and to be honest, might be worth exploring during some periods of your life but ultimately you do have decide who "you" want to be. If you want to be rich, then that's your prerogative and you should know that many people will dislike you for it–me included depending on how you decide to reach that goal. That's the price you pay, and the price you must endure through sheer self belief in your goal to be able to obtain it. 

The same is true for other strides, there will always be doubters. To those doubters and your own doubt I say maintain frame and maintain the reality you want. Settling for someone else's reality will only cause pain. Pain will lead to anger till I'd hope you examine where it comes from and realize you've been living in the world of someone else's creation.

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