experiment with anger.

 This post is in two parts. The first will discuss my interpretation of the justified anger debate and the other will be a free flow of ideas regarding the emotion of anger. To start lets examine how anger shows up. For me it's energy in the middle region and spread throughout the body. It's thoughts of events that replay over and over again. It's the debate you have in your head of wrongness and rightness. You will meticulously retrieve every piece of information you can remember to change the story and "win" the argument with yourself. It's restlessness, inability to sleep that can spiral into motivational energy. The type of energy you want at the beginning of a soccer match. The type that gets you so hyped you don't give a shit what anyone else does or says you are going to be flowing. The ladder is the anger I want to channel instead of this somewhat uncontrolled and inconsistent rage I feel towards recent events.  I got a little off topic so lets go ...
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Dec 17 (2)

I measure my success in life by how attractive I am to females. I could be working and having a great time but if my co-worker whom I am attracted begins talking about other men she is interested in I immediately become insecure. I start to think, "Why isn't she talking about me or trying to get with me". Then for the next few days, I'll start to act more "manly", and more aggressive because that's what the internet tells me women want. I'll become insecure and try to act my way into getting pussy. 

I want the best of both worlds and I want every woman I come across to like me. Morgan Freeman said that the key to success with women is to not pursue them and in a way, I understand what he means. It's not about not showing interest but more about not caring about the result. I can tell a woman she has beautiful eyes and go on with my day. Her reaction is up to her to decide, but I said what I felt in the moment. I didn't try and manipulate her. No attachment was created because in reality, the ones we do create are always imagined and only lead to unnecessary suffering.

This is advice I only plan to follow when it comes to women I don't know. I understand that dynamics change when you are in a relationship and that bond and attachment mean something. For my purposes, it's more about separating the physical nature of a woman and her inner essence. In my life, I've become obsessed with her outer appearance and created a bond with just that. If instead I can acknowledge that attraction, I can work to loosen my attachment to it and focus more on the inner soul.

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