experiment with anger.

 This post is in two parts. The first will discuss my interpretation of the justified anger debate and the other will be a free flow of ideas regarding the emotion of anger. To start lets examine how anger shows up. For me it's energy in the middle region and spread throughout the body. It's thoughts of events that replay over and over again. It's the debate you have in your head of wrongness and rightness. You will meticulously retrieve every piece of information you can remember to change the story and "win" the argument with yourself. It's restlessness, inability to sleep that can spiral into motivational energy. The type of energy you want at the beginning of a soccer match. The type that gets you so hyped you don't give a shit what anyone else does or says you are going to be flowing. The ladder is the anger I want to channel instead of this somewhat uncontrolled and inconsistent rage I feel towards recent events.  I got a little off topic so lets go ...
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what I want in my life

 I feel like a big downside of my character is the inability to decide what I want in my life. This typically being between ideas, values, and people. A recent example is taking on a more religious life vs continuing under the spiritual path I had taken. Remaining friends with the same people or making new friends. Being a conservative vs a liberal. One day I love my friends, I feel my path connected spiritually with the world, and capitalism and a more conservative worldview reign supreme. The next day I'm bored with what my friends have to say and wish I had different ones, my path feels blocked by my past and the current society we live in, and all I want is drastic change. These ideas aren't don't have to be bundled together they all scramble between each other and really confuse me. 

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