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Hitching onto realities

 I met a man who lived in Costa Rica for 4 years. I had just been there and loved it so much so we got to talking. We both shared parts of our lives but I soon noticed, like I do with many people I admire–I begin to think of him as god and his words as gospel. I detach from my own sense of reality and goals and listen intensely to theirs.  There's a shame in pursuing what you believe and trusting your gut. Often you don't want to tell people. What else can you do but reflect and continue your pursuit? Nothing.
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Seeing all these SEO classes makes me really question products people put out these days.

 People optimize their SEO or shape their product to fit that SEO instead of creating something unique or useful. It's just able to hit the requirements that get it on your page. Whilst the actual good content being made I believe is what actually sells. 
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date and job

 I've made this correlation before but I think that getting a girlfriend and landing a job are very similar things. I feel like both require a lot of trust that the others is it in for the right reasons. You need to think about the long term commitment of both.  Both make me nervous, I just want to do a good job, be a good boyfriend, and create wealth and connection. I don't want to do it wrong and get used at my job or be in a relationship that only takes and never gives. I tend to just stumble into things and check out how they go and hope that I'm not missing obvious red flags.
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Who I want to be

 I think I'm going to choose kindness. My past approach was more aggressive, scared and shut off behavior. I was afraid to be kind, like it would somehow make me seem weak and push me from my goals. My response to that now is in two parts. First I think being too strung up on a goal will only push it away, and second having the mindset of needing it makes me feel anger and anxiety effectively pushing me from whats actually happening.  I will do my best to act with kindness and integrity towards my values at every turn. If I feel like I'm doing something to get something in return I should stop. Act by emotion not by what you think others need.
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porn and love

 I've found myself watching more porn recently than I want to. Every time I finish I have a little shame attack. I feel like by watching it I'm actively ruining my life.  My mindset recently has been to try and avoid obsessing over things which will hopefully lead me to detach and actually bring them into my life. When I watch porn I feel like I'm doing the opposite. I'm glorifying sex and women for myself which makes it difficult to talk to them in person. 
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movin

 I'm moving and don't know how to feel about it. I'll be leaving my friends of 8+ years. A third of my life and considering my age more than half of my life based on things I actually remember. I'll be working a job that has potential to be very lucrative and also very disappointing. I really decided to go with the flow of what I had already done/been good at. This option excites me but I also know it's not something I'm passionate about. I don't know if I believe in following your passion for work. Then again I don't currently have a passion that I'm aware of so that makes it difficult.  On the ladder point of passion I think a big part of my hesitation for wanting to hop into a career is my lack of personal understanding as to what it is I want to be doing. This current job kind of fell into my lap and because of that exact reason I found it more appropriate to pursue that rather than pivot into another field I'd have to scavenge a job for. It ...
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